Let’s have a conversation

Debbie
Jul 7, 2024
3 min read

In our hyper-connected world, are we losing out on truly communicating with each other?

I’ve been self-employed since 2009 and used to commute into the office every day, Monday to Friday, to work with project teams. It’s fair to say that back then I was a seasoned London commuter—someone who could glide across any busy concourse at lightning speed when there was a train to catch. But I would dream, as I took my seat on the 6:30am train to London Victoria, staring out of the window into the wintry darkness, morning coffee in hand, of all the time and energy I would regain if I could just work from home one day a week.

Now, as I commute from my bedroom to my home office downstairs, it strikes me how much life, and the world at large, has changed. I’ve been working from home almost entirely since May 2020, and I now spend most of my working hours alone when not in online meetings.

Remotely connected

As a remote worker, I’ve worked with people I’ve never seen and know nothing about, beyond their name and job title. That said, I’ve also been part of some great teams over the years—teams where strong connections, easy conversations and seamless ways of working made the experience enjoyable and effective.

But these days, most interactions are limited to screen time and ‘synch meetings’ to discuss whatever project is at hand. Long gone are the impromptu chats around desks, in corridors, in the canteen or the café. Gone too are the spontaneous Friday meals or drinks with colleagues.

And meeting up with friends after work has also fallen by the wayside. It’s easier now to send a WhatsApp message than to spend ages coordinating diaries, especially now that so few of us work in London. Some friendships now play out mostly via Facebook: a few comments, a like or a heart on a photo of a family gathering, a holiday snap, or a beautifully plated restaurant meal.

Let’s be honest

These experiences aren’t unique to me.

Am I lonely? No. But that’s not the case for everyone. And I’m increasingly aware that if we don’t actively nurture opportunities for conversation, they’ll shrink even further.

We’ve all heard about the ‘pandemic of loneliness’ affecting people across all age groups—during a time when, paradoxically, we have more ways to communicate than ever before. But having more ways to communicate doesn’t mean we’re communicating better.

Hands up!

Who’s joined a Teams or Zoom call where everyone sits in silence, staring at the screen (or remains off-screen), until someone brave—or the chair—gets things started?

Who’s spent hours in meetings but hasn’t had a single, real conversation all day?

Who’s gone one or more days without speaking to anyone at all?

What can we do—now?

According to the British Medical Journal, “humans thrive on meaningful social connections… loneliness is a negative, subjective experience closely linked to the quality of social connections.”

In response, organisations like the NHS and the World Health Organisation have begun taking action. In 2023, the WHO launched an international Commission on Social Connection, reporting that 1 in 4 older adults experience social isolation, and 5–15% of adolescents experience loneliness. They also noted that social isolation and loneliness harm not only individuals, but entire communities and societies.

It all sounds encouraging—but what can we actually do?

This year, as I re-evaluate work and life more broadly, I’ve been asking myself how many actual conversations I’m having day-to-day. Conversations involving talking—actually speaking out loud to another person.

How many of us are sharing what’s really on our minds? How many of us are listening with curiosity and genuine interest? How often do we, in Simon Sinek’s words, allow ourselves to “sit in the mud” with someone?

I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this: there’s room for us all to build deeper, better connections through conversation.

And I’m taking small steps now to do my bit.